“Controlarea furiei” e traducerea pentru “Anger Management” pentru cei care nu stiau. Nu o sa folosesc denumirea romaneasca pentru ca 1. suna fals si 2. nu asta e titlul cartii despre care o sa scriu (nici nu vreau sa o traduc, ar suna cam aiurea… Controlarea furiei pentru dobitoci?) .
Cartea pe care am inceput sa o citesc azi se numeste Anger Management for Dummies. M-am apucat sa o citesc pentru ca uneori (nu foarte des, ce-i drept) ma enervez foarte rau si reactionez putin exagerat. Poate toata lumea are momentele astea, de fapt… mai mult ca sigur, dar eu as vrea sa am control mai mult asupra lor. Un al doilea motiv ar fi pentru ca mi se pare un subiect interesant si pur si simplu as vrea sa stiu mai multe informatii despre furie si despre emotiile puternice.
Cartea e scrisa de un psiholog pe nume W. Doyle Gentry si e simpla, usor de citit, desi inca nu am terminat-o si nu pot sa va prezint o parere generala. Articolul asta nu se vrea a fi un review, evident, vreau doar sa va spun cateva lucruri pe care le-am aflat pana acum.
Mie mi se pare important sa iti recunosti greselile, defectele si sunt mai mult ca sigura ca aceasta carte ar ajuta multe persoane care nu-si pot tine in frau emotiile puternice de acest fel.
Cele mai tari chestii pe care le-am citit pana acum sunt urmatoarele:
Before you can manage your own anger, you need to be aware of what anger
is and isn’t. Unfortunately, myths about anger seem to abound. Here are
some of the myths I want to dispel right from the get-go:
- Males are angrier than females. If by angrier you mean how often people experience anger, it’s simply not true that men are angrier than women. Surveys show that women get mad just as frequently as men — about once or twice a week on average. On the other hand, men tend to report more intense anger, while women tend to hang on to anger longer.
- Anger is bad. Anger serves a variety of positive purposes when it comes to coping with stress. It energizes you, improves your communication with other people, promotes your self-esteem, and defends you against fear and insecurity. (Jesus, Gandhi, and Martin Luther King, Jr., were all angry men — but they turned that anger into social reform that made the world a better place.)
- Anger is good. When it leads to domestic violence, property damage, sexual abuse, drug addiction, ulcers, and self-mutilation, anger is defi- nitely not good.
- Anger is only a problem when you openly express it. As few as 10 per- cent of people act out their feelings when they get angry. The other 90 percent either suppress their anger (“I don’t want to talk about it!”) or repress their anger (“I’m not angry at all — really!”). People who express their anger are the squeaky wheels who get everyone’s attention; people who repress or suppress their anger need anger management just as much.
- The older you get, the more irritable you are. It’s the other way around — as people age, they report fewer negative emotions and greater emotional control. People — like wine and cheese — do tend to improve with age.
- Anger is all in the mind. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Emotions are primarily physical in nature. If anger were only a state of mind, why would someone say, “I feel like I have a big fist in my chest when I get that angry”? Believe me, when you get mad, that emotion is instantly manifested in muscles throughout your entire body, the hairs on the back of your neck, your blood pressure, your blood sugar levels, your heart rate, your respiration rate, your gut, even your finger temper- ature (it warms up!) — long before you’re aware of what’s happening.
- Anger is all about getting even. The most common motive behind anger has been shown to be a desire to assert authority or independence, or to improve one’s image — not necessarily to cause harm. Revenge is a secondary motive. A third motive involves letting off steam over accumulated frustrations — again with no apparent intent to harm anyone else.
- Only certain types of people have a problem with anger. Actually, over the years I’ve spent helping people with anger management, I’ve worked with all types of people — truck drivers, college professors, physicians, housewives, grandmothers, lawyers, policemen, career criminals, poor people, millionaires, children, the elderly, people of various colors, nationalities, and religions. Anger is a universal emotion!
- Anger results from human conflict. Sometimes yes, sometimes no. One of the leading experts on anger has found that people can get angry by being exposed to foul odors, aches and pains, and hot temperatures — none of which involve (or can be blamed on) the actions of others.
La un moment dat am citit ca pentru a te auto-educa (pentru ca pana la urma despre asta e vorba) trebuie sa ai parte de sustinerea morala a rudelor, a prietenilor si asa mai departe, asa ca pentru toti apropiatii mei, nu uitati…
Si printre ultimele randuri pe care le-am citit, am gasit fragmentul asta care da niste sfaturi bune pentru toata lumea, as zice eu:
- Keep in mind that most people want to be supportive — they’re just waiting on you to give them an opportunity. Take the initiative and ask your closest friends and family members for their support. Support that goes unrecognized or unused does you no good. Most people have far more support than they take advantage of. This is no time to think, “I don’t want to be a burden on anyone.” Believe me, you’re more of a burden when you’re angry than when you’re not!
- Be willing to give support to your friends and family in turn. Support must be reciprocal. In order to receive it, you must give it.
- Keep in mind that no one person can satisfy all your support needs. One person may be able to offer emotional support, while another may help out in a more tangible way.